SADDEST INVENTIONS

I think locks are the saddest inventions in human history.


Love,

COUPLE HUNDRED

Mama has no mean bone on her body... just a couple hundred "don't-do-this-and-that" ones.


Love,

FINISH COLLEGE

Stay in school, son. Even Steven Spielberg went back to finish college.


Love,

KIND OF GUY

He's not the kind of guy I read from out of the pages of a romance novel.

... but sometimes he is.


Love,

STRONGER THAN YOU THINK

You will always be much stronger than you think.


Love,

OFF A BRIDGE

She's one of those people who can make my life easier by jumping off a bridge.


Love,

IN THE SAME BODY

"Educated" and "Easy to boss around" cannot live in the same body.


Love,

ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHES

Dishonesty is the root of all heartaches.


Love,

NEVER APOLOGIZE

Never apologize for doing what you're good at.


Love,

HATE NUMBERS

You really can't hate numbers if you love money.


Love,

YOUR STANDARDS

Lower your expectations but never your standards.


Love,

COOLEST THING

To the man (or woman) who invented the stapler, you rock!


Love,

LIKE PIMPLES

First loves are like pimples. You have to wait 'til you're twenty-five to get over them.


Love,

MOMMY IRONMAN

You keep calling me "Mommy Ironman". Gosh, I really wish I was.


Love,

SAD OR HAPPY

Never apologize for being sad or happy. It's not even your fault most of the time.


Love,

INTO A WORLD

I'm sorry for bearing you into a world with a global warming package.


Love,

BAD THINGS

You cannot deduct all the bad things you did from all the good things you did. It doesn’t work like that.


Love,

AT THE SAME TIME

It's nice to go home to someone who can make you happy, nervous, angry, strong and weak all at the same time.


Love,

WONDERFUL THING

Come to think of it, merely breathing is a wonderful thing.


Love,

LIVE HAPPILY

He claimed that he can live happily without love. Can anyone really?


Love,

DUSTY TUESDAY

In one of those dusty Tuesday afternoons, your daddy thanked "whoever invented nose hairs". LOLz.


Love,

UNFORGIVABLE SECRET

She has a secret. A nauseating and unforgivable secret.


Love,


MY LIFE

My life ceased to be pointless the moment I had you.


Love,

DESPERATE ATTEMPT

The opposite of love is not hate but the desperate attempt to forget someone.


Love,

SUPER POWER

If I had a super power I want it to be the ability to write a sentence in one word, a paragraph in one sentence, and so on.


Love,

 
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